Joe Buck Cry for Help

Press Release from the Buck Joe Buck Foundation

November 11, 2009
St. Louis, MO

The members of the Buck Joe Buck Foundation would like to inform the Front Office Staff of the St. Louis Cardinals Baseball Franchise that they must re-sign free agent slugger Matt Holliday.

It's a matter of life and death at this point.

You see, our patron saint, Joseph Buck, has decided that he will hold his breath until his beloved Cardinals re-sign Holliday.

Buck has thrown numerous temper-tantrums in the grocery store whenever he passes down the magazine aisle and see's a news story about Holliday's impending free agency.

We've sent Buck to bed without his supper for the last two nights, and now we're beginning to worry about his health.

Please, St. Louis, re-sign Holliday, because frankly, we're sick of Buck's childish behavior around the office.

Cool Joe Buck Fact #8

Cool Joe Buck Fact #8

Joe Buck is actually Pedro Martinez's daddy. So now that you know, everyone can stop asking Pedro that embarrassing question.

Cool Joe Buck Fact #34

Cool Joe Buck Fact #34

Joe Buck and Tim McCarver base their relationship on another famous duo:

Monty Burns and Waylon Smithers.

Buck Joe Buck Diaries

The following is an excerpt from Joe Buck's personal diary. Many good men were lost, trying to steal the contents of this diary.

November 3, 2009

Dear Diary,

Just because I wasn't on television announcing the World Series today, didn't mean that I had to stop sucking at life. I, Joe Buck have a commitment to being unfunny, and by George, I will live up to that reputation.

Today was a busy day for me. After six straight hours of staring at myself in the bathroom mirror, I was able to find my way to the voting booth.

None of the candidates were worthy of my vote, so yes, I wrote my name in for NY City Mayor, NJ Governor, and for the election determining Emperor of the Universe.

I came home and had Tim McCarver make me two steaks for dinner; one for me, and the other for my forehead. After two large bottles of wine, my forehead and I decided to call it a night.

We snuggled together, watching re-runs of some of my greatest moments on air. Three minutes later, finished, I put the dvd back in its case and fell asleep.

Big day tomorrow, the World Series is back on Fox, and I have an obligation to carry on a legacy of horrific broadcasting.

Fondly,
Joey Buck

Cool Joe Buck Fact #71

Cool Joe Buck Fact #71

My Fav 5 consists of me, myself, I, the reflection in my mirror, and Satan.

It's true.

Call Verizon, they have a copy of my bill.

Press Release from the Buck Joe Buck Foundation

The following is in response to Fox's and MLB's decision to move the right field camera back a few feet.

For Immediate Release
Buck Joe Buck Foundation
November 2, 2009

Following the decision to move the Fox camera (which resides in right field) back a few feet,
the management team at the Buck Joe Buck Foundation is offering to lend its support in moving another object in Citizen's Bank Park.

Joe Buck.

We're proposing to move Joe Buck back from the announcer's booth about 500 yards, in efforts to decrease the potential of Buck commentating on the outcome of the game.

Buck would sit on the opposite side of Patterson Avenue, in Parking Lot "K".

By moving Buck, we're eliminating the possibility of hearing another drone induced broadcast of the 2009 World Series game.

Possible substitutions for Buck include a squirrel, the homeless guy outside of McFadden's, two trash cans, or Dick Clark.

Tim McCarver can stay in the booth, because we're willing to bet his intelligence returns after the Buck Serum wears off.

Cool Joe Buck Fact #42

Cool Joe Buck Fact #42

I watch the replays of my broadcasts with the sound off.

It's true.

Look it up.